Been a difficult day for me..... First I spent ages and ages on the phone trying to get through to the doctors this morning to get a follow up appointment after my scan... but no luck getting through.... I had to go into town.. so went in and saw them... first available pre-bookable appointment is 9am Friday...... Hmmmmm ..... Good bit though.... I have a different doctor this time, much as I love my doctor, he has admitted I have him stumped.... so maybe a new set of ideas will uncover something.....
So from the doctors..... sadly I had a funeral to attend..... Very sad, and very unexpected..... beautiful service, but I wish, well .. .you all know! And any funeral you go to gets you thinking..... about your mortality.. that of your parents, aunts, uncles, friends, children, even the cat......... Death comes to us all, and the ones left behind have to deal with it.. arrange everything, and cope with it all...... from the booking of the funeral, to the music, the gathering, the invitations, the buffet and the wine.... everything.. all on top of soul encompassing grief......
Funerals....... Now I have a problem here..... I am in no way saying any of this to be difficult, cause offence or start a fight...... but I have an issue with..... God... sorry! Jesus, I totally get.. a man walking around...saying be nice, be kind, accept and don't hate..... and persecuted brutally for his beliefs.... has anything changed?!?!? But his Daddy.. I am sorry, but I have too many questions to be able to accept with any certainty.....
I did a course with the OU a few years ago..... The History of Religion..... FASCINATING course..... I learned so much and I enjoyed it so much, but it still left me with 100s of questions. At the end of the course, I bought more books and did more research on one religion that really caught my attention and my compassion, and I am happily leaning very very strongly towards Buddhism..... most of my questions are answered there... and Buddha was real, he lived, he loved, he was... I can accept that! I can also easily accept a lot of their philosophy and their guidance..... I am rereading the books I have and investigating more about it the older I get......
So the funeral today..... it bought out mixed emotions in me.... and when I got home, I dug out a face I started a couple of weeks ago on holiday using tinted charcoals.... Derwents of course... but didn't finish..... today, It needed to be finished... and here he is.......
till tomorrow! xxxxx
I'm sorry for the sadness. I wish none of us would ever have our lives tainted in that way. Your face today is very beautiful and seems so poignant in light of your post.
ReplyDeleteI like your face even though it conveys sorrow. I am sorry for your loss and the sadness it brings your way. Every religion has many of the same values. Each person has to decide for him/herself which way to go. I think God is so much bigger than any one religion can define him and he doesn't mind your questions or your anger with him. He is the master artist of all times. I have been a follower of Jesus for over 63 years and will follow him to the grave and beyond. Hope you find solace for your grief.
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear about your loss. It's scary to think about mortality...or is it? Before my mom passed away i never thought about mortality at all and I never attended a funeral before...different religions believe different things and that confuses me too...even though i believe in my religion i still question and wonder...the only thing that keeps popping up is a voice that says. "Trust in Me" so i just do because my heart will fall to pieces if there is no after...if all this is just nothing more then this....I don't know of other religions and it would be interesting to know and learn of others...
ReplyDeleteBeautiful piece you've created. Thank you for sharing.